Single Girls Guide to First Date – Scenario 2 ( Indian Arranged Marriage Setup , Meeting the Guy & his parents)

Although most parents will allow the prospective bride and groom to meet alone, you may end up with a first meeting with the guy and his entire clan.

What to wear?

Dress

A pretty kurta in a complexion enhancing colour teamed with tights or an elegant sari (check with your parents) are good options.

Jewellery

A simple pendant and earring will make you look elegant and pretty.

Makeup

Fresh natural makeup / nude look will give you confidence, while making sure that prospective in-laws do not feel you are trying to hide behind paint. You can opt for light pink or French manicure.

How to greet?

Generically a standard Namaste with folded hands and a smile will save you from the questioning looks from elders that may come with a “Hi” or getting labelled as “too traditional” if you opt for touching the feet.

Things to do / not to do

Sitting: Your parents / prospective in-laws may ask you to sit near them / their son. Do so gracefully. No rolling the eyes, looking shocked or uncomfortable.

Talking: Once you’ve exchanged the pleasantries, follow their cues and let them start the talking. Avoid being overfriendly or too restrained. Tone yourself down. Be polite. Skip embarrassing incidents and sticky subjects. If you think you are not comfortable with the line of questions being asked, change the track of the conversation.

With the guy: Don’t try to interview the guy in front of his parents. They may think that you will intimidate him.

Don’t be a fake: Be your own self. Don’t portray a wrong image; this can lead to a future disaster.  If you don’t know how to cook, say you’ve never had a chance or need to cook till now and who can predict what the future may bring.

 

Think of this whole situation as an interview with a prospective employer. You need to be the best version of yourself and make the interviewer want to hire you.

 

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Single Girls Guide to Handling Rejection in Arranged Marriage

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By Michal Marcol on Digitalphotos.net

When you are considering arranged marriage, you are bound to face rejection for some of the proposals you send out (revert to newspaper ad or through on-line matrimonial sites) or from the guys / his parents you meet. Here are some tips on how to manage that rejection and move on.

TIME FRAME: IMMEDIATE (up to 1 Week)

  1. BE GRACEFUL: If you have been interacting with guy and he has rejected you, tell him that it was pleasure knowing him and you wish him well in his soul mate search. Ask him if he would like to give you a reason for rejection.  Do not try to justify or give explanation to him. I repeat do not explain or justify and ask for another chance unless there was some major misunderstanding. NO BEGGING FOR ANOTHER CHANCE. MAINTAIN YOUR DIGNITY.
  2. GRIEVE: Give yourself time to process the rejection. Eat that pizza and ice-cream. Cry.  Do not become despondent.
  3. TALK TO A TRUSTED FRIEND / FAMILY MEMBER: Use your best friends shoulder to lean on, tell them how you are feeling. They can help to bring you out of your grief and sort out what went wrong.

TIME FRAME: SHORT TERM (week to a Month)

  1. REVIEW YOUR PROFILE: Be realistic about the image you are projecting in terms of words, hobbies, and photographs. Any mismatch in the profile and real you will lead to rejection at later stage.  Leading to heart break.
  2. PHOTOGRAPHS: Do not Photoshop your photos to look slimmer, fairer. Remember you need to actually meet this guy before marriage. Get some good photographs clicked , should include some casual non studio pictures.

TIME FRAME: LONG TERM (1 MONTH to a YEAR)

  1. DEVELOP HOBBIES: Having a successful hobby will give you the confidence. Confidence is attractive.
  2. WORK ON YOURSELF: Join a gym to lose weight, learn the art of make-up, and invest in clothes that make you look good, go for regular facials, manicures and pedicures. Read.
  3. TALK WITH PARENTS: If your parents are managing your partner search, talks to them on what you want, don’t want. This is about you and your life. It’s better to marry late, than to marry just anyone and getting DIVORCED or having an UNHAPPY MARRIAGE.

 

IF YOU ARE UNDER TREMENDOUS PRESSURE TO GET MARRIED AND ARE FACING CONTINUOUS REJECTION , TALK TO A COUNSELLOR.

Single Girls Guide to Modern Arranged Marriages : How to get the best out of Internet Matrimonial sites

FreeDigitalPhotos.net

FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Being practical in the scenario of arranged marriages comes easy, yet somehow while dreaming of our knight in shining armor we forget about practicalities and make ourselves vulnerable ( am speaking from my personal experience ).

 Be clear about what you want / do not want in the guy. Take 30 minutes to visualize your life partner and write down all the qualities you want.  Take 10 minutes to prune the list to must have / non negotiable qualities and the divide them into two parts – limit it a max of 10 attributes . My list looks like below

Actual

1.Vegetarian

2. Should earn more than me ( Indian men and their ego )

3. Height above 5’4 below 5’11 ( considering my height )

4. Max age difference of 5 year

5. Never married before

Attitude

1. Romantic

2. Intelligent

3. Funny

4. Should love to travel

5. Independent

 

Add auto filters based on your actual list. And no this cannot be relaxed if you don’t want to regret your decision later on. Ladies I have relaxed my list and accepted men who did not met my criterion – all it leads to is heart break. Was unable to commit to the guy because the criterion was to critical to me – example could not imagine kissing a guy who had just had meat.

Get 3 good photographs for your account.

1.  A casual photograph in  Jeans

2.  A closeup with natural makeup

3. A photograph in formal wear – Saree / Salwar kameez / gown / dress

Be Honest in your Write-up : Give a brief introduction about you & your family. Check for grammar and spelling mistakes. Do not go into details no one has time and be honest. Do not dress your profile or pretend to be someone you are not.

Send Interests : Girls can send interests too. Do not worry weather it will look okay or not , go ahead and send interests to any guys you like.

Chat online : Create a separate gmail id for your matrimonial mails. You can use this id to chat with prospective suitors , also these days all the matrimonial sites allow you to chat with members if you are paid member.

 

Wish you all the best for your groom – hunt online. Wait for my next post on chatting Do’s / Dont’s

Finding an apartment : Single girl checklist

I have been living alone in Pune, for about 3 years now…Decided to look for a new flat to rent as lease was about to expire, was facing some problems with landlord and wanted to move to a place, where I will have some kind of social life.

Shortlisted Aundh as  the final location, but finding a nice apartment to my liking and in my budget was a tough job.

Started with looking at 1 bedroom flat and finally zeroed in on a 2 bhk apartment. During this month long house hunt learnt that any single girl living alone should check the following things before finalizing the apartment.

1> General safety of location

2>Availability of parking space if you drive or distance from the bus stop / auto stand.

3> Frequency of public transport

4> Approach to your flat – is it well lighted & safe

5> Is there enough public around & is the area well lit during your normal commute timings

6> Actual commute timing ( it may be close, but due to traffic conditions , may take  a longer time , so check it out before finalizing)

7> Never take a flat on ground floor – its easiest to break into

8> If possible opt for a flat in a society, with security guards. If not possible check with neighbours on security

9> Distance from nearest grocery store – you are bound to forget a few items, you wantesd to buy & a nearby grocery store will come in handy for those urgent purchases.

Other things you may want to consider are nearness to gym/beauty parlour/home-delivery/mess/doctor/chemist etc.

Have fun, house hunting.