Single Girls Guide To Dealing With Loneliness

We the single girls of above a certain age face a very real pressure, whether spoken or not, to be married. Sometimes this societal pressure, fact that you are alone and the media’s reflection of a happy relationship gets to us. Making us feel LONELY.

Loneliness is not being alone. One can be lonely even in midst of others; loneliness is the feeling of emptiness and sadness, the feeling of abandonment, the feeling of having no one and the fear of being left out.

Last night I felt that deep loneliness and decided to write about managing it. Here are some tips that have worked for me and may work for you.

  1. Call someone you love: It could be your mother, grandmother or your best friend. It could be your little niece who will make you smile with her childish chatter. Just talking with someone you love will give you that momentary escape you badly need at that moment.
  2. Cry: There’s something healing about shedding the tears. Let the flow and take away your pain as they go.
  3. Drink: When I say drink I don’t mean a hard drink as it can cause you to feel more depressed but a glass of wine or a nice cup of tea or hot chocolate will help you to feel calmer.
  4. Sleep: There nothing that can beat a good night’s sleep to refresh you and to give you the mental strength to fight the feeling of loneliness , trust me and try it.
  5. Exercise. If you are lonely, take up a new sport or exercise. An hour of running or swimming or dancing will release the endorphins that will replace the sadness with joy.
  6. Take up a hobby: For me blogging has been the answer, it helps me to express myself anonymously. Do something you will enjoy and it may help you connect with new people and who knows one of them may be your soul mate?
  7. Work on yourself: Read, exercise, go for a massage or visit the parlour. The fact that you are working on yourself will boost your confidence and will make you look and feel more attractive.

Newly Single Girl’s guide to getting over heartbreak

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was madly in love with a guy. A guy who was my knight and made me feel like a princess. He was my best friend, the one guy who could make me laugh at any time, the one who gifted balloons and chocolates to street kids.

Then, he broke up with me for a girl, a girl who was a common friend, a girl he had sex with one night because she was depressed.

The whole thing just blew in my face and I went into depression.

For a long while all I could do was replay the scenario in my mind asking “what if” questions and crying into the night. There were so many questions and no answers.

I wanted to get over the pain, but something or other made me think of him and set me crying. It was a difficult seemingly unending phase, and this is what it taught me on getting over heartbreak.

1>    Avoid him like plague: Sounds kiddish but seeing/talking with him will bring out emotions and you may end up saying/ doing things you will regret. I used to call him & then spend the night crying, it’s so not worth it.\

2>    Cry: A break-up is tough, and it’s OK to cry over a loss. Just a find a place where you can be alone, like crying into your pillow at night or in the shower when you’re getting ready for the day. Remember, the purpose here is not to make your lover come back, but to heal u.

3>    Talk & share your feelings: Talk it over with your close friends – just talking and having someone to listen to your pain, hugging you and just being there 24*7 is a huge help. Nights were the toughest time, as just before you sleep, all the memories will come crawling, call your friend and talk.

4>    Letting go ritual: Recognize that you have been hurt, you may be angry, feel cheated, totally sad. Accept those feelings – write them all down on a piece of paper. Collect all the mementos – those small cards/ love letters / dried flowers etc. Create a bonfire and burn all the above mementoes and the paper with your feelings. Visualize – your pain burning away with the stuff. Have a shower and visualize yourself being cleansed and healed. This ritual helped me feel whole again. Also donate all his gifts to charity, the goodwill will help you heal while looking at them will hurt you.

5>    Indulge yourself: Do things that you always loved, get yourself pampered in a spa, go shopping, join a gym, take a hobby class – do anything you enjoy, it will keep you busy and release hormones which will make you calmer & happier.

6>    If nothing helps change: I changed my city, got a great new job which I loved. The whole getting used to a new life, pretending to be happy in front of new colleagues helped me a lot. You may not want to be so drastic, you can go in for a new haircut/change your wardrobe, get yourself a complete makeover.

Hope, that the steps help you. Remember, being single is not a crime or punishment. True love, will come into your life soon but till then let’s have a blast.