Single Girl’s Valentines Day Plan

If you’re a single girl like me, you may be dreading the coming weekend (Valentine’s Day). Instead of loathing the day and going into hiding, have an awesome weekend with the most special person in your life – you.

Here’s a single girl’s guide to have an awesome valentine’s day.

  1. Start the day early by going to gym: yeah exercising will release the happy chemicals in your brain, what can be a better way to start the day.(looking fit will help attract attention of more guys ;))
  2. Enjoy the special love smoothie
  3. Book yourself a day spa: have a fancy facial, enjoy the manicure & pedicure, the massage, body polish & wrap will make you float on cloud 9. Ahhh! the pretty you.
  4. After having some junk food for lunch, its ok to indulge once in a while, go shopping: buy yourself all the gifts you wish– be it the chocolate or flowers, a new dress or diamond earrings. Go on splurge.
  5.  Wine & Dine:  Decorate your dinner table and relish your 3 course meal of spicy, cheesy jacket potatoes, mushroom risotto & choco-orange cake with a glass or two of wine.
  6. End the day by reading your favourite book or movie ( avoid romance they will make you feel lonely , instead go for action or comedy)
  7. Bed-time ritual: light some candles or a dim lamp, massage yourself with a fragrant lotion, say thanks for all the good things in your life and hit the bed on a positive note.
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Singles Girls FAQ Series (Q1)- When will I get married ?

Well the answer is you will get married when you are mentally and emotionally prepared for it. Arrange marriage might make it seem that marriages are practical arrangements involving age, background, financial & educational status and you can marry anyone as long as those parameters match but in actual any marriage is more than that. Unless you understand why you actually want to get married and are open to make that kind of commitment, you will not be married.

Try to understand your own needs from a partners , your reasons for wanting to get married , your fears in regards with relationships. Understand the past patterns of breakup of your relations and be realistic. These will help you to set your direction.

Meanwhile instead of just blaming your luck and moping around develop your skills & your personality. Be in love with yourself . Forgive yourself and those who have hurt you. Laugh & enjoy and live this MOMENT

Life Coaching for Singles – Yes it works

As singles we face frustration and extreme pressure from society and people closest to us . Sometimes an unbearable loneliness fills our heart and makes us feel depressed. I too have been through such a phase and a recent comment from a reader made me realise that its time for me to post about coaching. I myself attended relationship coaching sessions to help me overcome my fears and to deal with this pressure ( Guys coaching is not counselling so if you have psychological issues – I suggest you go to a trained psychologist )

Coaching is for people who :

  • keep picking the wrong person/type ( and there’s a pattern there which you will recognize like I did , and how to break it
  •  feel lonely and don’t know how to deal with it , because they just don’t find the right person
  • are tired of searching for the right person and just want to compromise and get into a relationship for the sake of it
  • have commitment / trust issues
  • don’t know what they want from relationship
  • are not able to experience an equal relationship ( givers / takers )
  • who keep wanting more
  • NEED SOMEONE TO OPENLY TALK WITH ABOUT THEIR FEARS AND HOPES FOR A RELATION WITHOUT BEING JUDGED.

It helped me see myself in a different light and work on my self – image , how do I present myself to people and to know what I really want from a relationship. Try it out.

Single Girls Guide To Dealing With Loneliness

We the single girls of above a certain age face a very real pressure, whether spoken or not, to be married. Sometimes this societal pressure, fact that you are alone and the media’s reflection of a happy relationship gets to us. Making us feel LONELY.

Loneliness is not being alone. One can be lonely even in midst of others; loneliness is the feeling of emptiness and sadness, the feeling of abandonment, the feeling of having no one and the fear of being left out.

Last night I felt that deep loneliness and decided to write about managing it. Here are some tips that have worked for me and may work for you.

  1. Call someone you love: It could be your mother, grandmother or your best friend. It could be your little niece who will make you smile with her childish chatter. Just talking with someone you love will give you that momentary escape you badly need at that moment.
  2. Cry: There’s something healing about shedding the tears. Let the flow and take away your pain as they go.
  3. Drink: When I say drink I don’t mean a hard drink as it can cause you to feel more depressed but a glass of wine or a nice cup of tea or hot chocolate will help you to feel calmer.
  4. Sleep: There nothing that can beat a good night’s sleep to refresh you and to give you the mental strength to fight the feeling of loneliness , trust me and try it.
  5. Exercise. If you are lonely, take up a new sport or exercise. An hour of running or swimming or dancing will release the endorphins that will replace the sadness with joy.
  6. Take up a hobby: For me blogging has been the answer, it helps me to express myself anonymously. Do something you will enjoy and it may help you connect with new people and who knows one of them may be your soul mate?
  7. Work on yourself: Read, exercise, go for a massage or visit the parlour. The fact that you are working on yourself will boost your confidence and will make you look and feel more attractive.

Single Girls Guide to First Date – Scenario 2 ( Indian Arranged Marriage Setup , Meeting the Guy & his parents)

Although most parents will allow the prospective bride and groom to meet alone, you may end up with a first meeting with the guy and his entire clan.

What to wear?

Dress

A pretty kurta in a complexion enhancing colour teamed with tights or an elegant sari (check with your parents) are good options.

Jewellery

A simple pendant and earring will make you look elegant and pretty.

Makeup

Fresh natural makeup / nude look will give you confidence, while making sure that prospective in-laws do not feel you are trying to hide behind paint. You can opt for light pink or French manicure.

How to greet?

Generically a standard Namaste with folded hands and a smile will save you from the questioning looks from elders that may come with a “Hi” or getting labelled as “too traditional” if you opt for touching the feet.

Things to do / not to do

Sitting: Your parents / prospective in-laws may ask you to sit near them / their son. Do so gracefully. No rolling the eyes, looking shocked or uncomfortable.

Talking: Once you’ve exchanged the pleasantries, follow their cues and let them start the talking. Avoid being overfriendly or too restrained. Tone yourself down. Be polite. Skip embarrassing incidents and sticky subjects. If you think you are not comfortable with the line of questions being asked, change the track of the conversation.

With the guy: Don’t try to interview the guy in front of his parents. They may think that you will intimidate him.

Don’t be a fake: Be your own self. Don’t portray a wrong image; this can lead to a future disaster.  If you don’t know how to cook, say you’ve never had a chance or need to cook till now and who can predict what the future may bring.

 

Think of this whole situation as an interview with a prospective employer. You need to be the best version of yourself and make the interviewer want to hire you.

 

Single Girls Guide to Handling Rejection in Arranged Marriage

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By Michal Marcol on Digitalphotos.net

When you are considering arranged marriage, you are bound to face rejection for some of the proposals you send out (revert to newspaper ad or through on-line matrimonial sites) or from the guys / his parents you meet. Here are some tips on how to manage that rejection and move on.

TIME FRAME: IMMEDIATE (up to 1 Week)

  1. BE GRACEFUL: If you have been interacting with guy and he has rejected you, tell him that it was pleasure knowing him and you wish him well in his soul mate search. Ask him if he would like to give you a reason for rejection.  Do not try to justify or give explanation to him. I repeat do not explain or justify and ask for another chance unless there was some major misunderstanding. NO BEGGING FOR ANOTHER CHANCE. MAINTAIN YOUR DIGNITY.
  2. GRIEVE: Give yourself time to process the rejection. Eat that pizza and ice-cream. Cry.  Do not become despondent.
  3. TALK TO A TRUSTED FRIEND / FAMILY MEMBER: Use your best friends shoulder to lean on, tell them how you are feeling. They can help to bring you out of your grief and sort out what went wrong.

TIME FRAME: SHORT TERM (week to a Month)

  1. REVIEW YOUR PROFILE: Be realistic about the image you are projecting in terms of words, hobbies, and photographs. Any mismatch in the profile and real you will lead to rejection at later stage.  Leading to heart break.
  2. PHOTOGRAPHS: Do not Photoshop your photos to look slimmer, fairer. Remember you need to actually meet this guy before marriage. Get some good photographs clicked , should include some casual non studio pictures.

TIME FRAME: LONG TERM (1 MONTH to a YEAR)

  1. DEVELOP HOBBIES: Having a successful hobby will give you the confidence. Confidence is attractive.
  2. WORK ON YOURSELF: Join a gym to lose weight, learn the art of make-up, and invest in clothes that make you look good, go for regular facials, manicures and pedicures. Read.
  3. TALK WITH PARENTS: If your parents are managing your partner search, talks to them on what you want, don’t want. This is about you and your life. It’s better to marry late, than to marry just anyone and getting DIVORCED or having an UNHAPPY MARRIAGE.

 

IF YOU ARE UNDER TREMENDOUS PRESSURE TO GET MARRIED AND ARE FACING CONTINUOUS REJECTION , TALK TO A COUNSELLOR.

Single Girls Guide to Handling Unwelcome Attention

In our country single women living alone, especially single women above a certain age are considered “easy” by men. The so called eve – teasing on roads, the leery colleagues & over-friendly neighbour may turn to stalkers if not handled.

These are some general tips to manage unwanted attention during various situations but girls do not hesitate to talk to others if you are in any such situation. It may help to stop you from becoming a victim of crime against women.

  1. On the street:
  1. Wolf Calls: Ignore it. It’s tempting to say something back but if you talk to him you’re giving him exactly what he wants: your attention.
  2. Touching in buses and public transport:  Keep your elbow bent to accidently hurt anyone who touches you accidently. If it doesn’t stop ask him to maintain distance in a loud voice.
  3. Staring : Do avoid direct eye contact with the person staring at you. This may be considered by the “ogler” as sign of welcome.  Do not adjust your clothes or look uncomfortable.

Some other tips for the streets

  • Always carry pepper spray or a sharp object with you.  These should be within easy reach.
  • Learn basic self-defence
  • Your nails , heels , keys , bag etc can all be used to hurt
  • Be aware of your surroundings at all times
  • Walk tall & be confident
  • A pretend mobile call giving the number of auto, bus & expected arrival time can also help you.
  1. On the job :
  2. Being asked out or others such hints :
    •  Be direct and say “no”, you can always you the excuse that you do fraternize with colleagues.
    • Note down all such incidents which made you uncomfortable with dates.
    • Keep your boss/ HR informed.
  3. The colleague who doesn’t say anything but hangs around your desk:
    • Ignore any kind of attention from them
    • Do not use them or take their help for anything : it can be misinterpreted
    • Get a colleague to report to their managers that the person is shirking their assigned duty and loitering, creating demotivation for working members.
  4. Boss / Senior management professional :
    • Be direct & to the point in all your interactions
    • Ignore any kind of special attention / do not take any favours
    • Give indirect hint of fake relationships
    • Inappropriate jokes / comments :

i.      Being firm yet polite inform that you do not appreciate the joke / comments

ii.      Note down any incidents with descriptions and dates

iii.      If needed use a voice / camera recorder to record evidence

iv.      Inform HR / Boss’s Manager

  • Direct proposition

i.      Be direct and say “no”, you can always you the excuse that you do fraternize with colleagues.

ii.      Keep HR informed

iii.      Get the team changed, if possible.

Some other tips for the workplace

  • Dress appropriately: Follow your office dress code, dress professional, with appropriate makeup.
  • Act professional with no nonsense attitude
  • Constant giggling, adjusting you dupatta , or  neckline of your kurta/ shirt when you are uncomfortable may all be taken as promiscuity
  1. On your own time:
  • If a guy asks you out and you’re just not interested:  be firm but clear of your lack of interest
  • If he persists – be direct. Their feelings may be hurt for a bit, sure, but they’re hurting you by repeatedly bugging you.
  • Unwelcome touches at a party:
    •  Get up and walk away, grab a friend — whatever will help you feel okay.

Or

    • If you want to confront: directly call attention to the act, without being embarrassed.  It’s he who should be embarrassed by what he’s doing, not you.
  • Unwelcome advances from neighbour / security : Keep you society’s chairperson , elderly , trustworthy ladies & other responsible families informed.

 

Do not be scared / embarrassed about letting your parents and friends know about the situation and if required, you must also seek police assistance. Many a time, girls have lost their lives or have been brutally raped, injured or kidnapped by stalkers and boys who could not take the rejection.

STAY SAFE.