Singles Girls FAQ Series (Q1)- When will I get married ?

Well the answer is you will get married when you are mentally and emotionally prepared for it. Arrange marriage might make it seem that marriages are practical arrangements involving age, background, financial & educational status and you can marry anyone as long as those parameters match but in actual any marriage is more than that. Unless you understand why you actually want to get married and are open to make that kind of commitment, you will not be married.

Try to understand your own needs from a partners , your reasons for wanting to get married , your fears in regards with relationships. Understand the past patterns of breakup of your relations and be realistic. These will help you to set your direction.

Meanwhile instead of just blaming your luck and moping around develop your skills & your personality. Be in love with yourself . Forgive yourself and those who have hurt you. Laugh & enjoy and live this MOMENT

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Single Girls Guide to First Date – Scenario 2 ( Indian Arranged Marriage Setup , Meeting the Guy & his parents)

Although most parents will allow the prospective bride and groom to meet alone, you may end up with a first meeting with the guy and his entire clan.

What to wear?

Dress

A pretty kurta in a complexion enhancing colour teamed with tights or an elegant sari (check with your parents) are good options.

Jewellery

A simple pendant and earring will make you look elegant and pretty.

Makeup

Fresh natural makeup / nude look will give you confidence, while making sure that prospective in-laws do not feel you are trying to hide behind paint. You can opt for light pink or French manicure.

How to greet?

Generically a standard Namaste with folded hands and a smile will save you from the questioning looks from elders that may come with a “Hi” or getting labelled as “too traditional” if you opt for touching the feet.

Things to do / not to do

Sitting: Your parents / prospective in-laws may ask you to sit near them / their son. Do so gracefully. No rolling the eyes, looking shocked or uncomfortable.

Talking: Once you’ve exchanged the pleasantries, follow their cues and let them start the talking. Avoid being overfriendly or too restrained. Tone yourself down. Be polite. Skip embarrassing incidents and sticky subjects. If you think you are not comfortable with the line of questions being asked, change the track of the conversation.

With the guy: Don’t try to interview the guy in front of his parents. They may think that you will intimidate him.

Don’t be a fake: Be your own self. Don’t portray a wrong image; this can lead to a future disaster.  If you don’t know how to cook, say you’ve never had a chance or need to cook till now and who can predict what the future may bring.

 

Think of this whole situation as an interview with a prospective employer. You need to be the best version of yourself and make the interviewer want to hire you.

 

Single Girls Guide to Handling Rejection in Arranged Marriage

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By Michal Marcol on Digitalphotos.net

When you are considering arranged marriage, you are bound to face rejection for some of the proposals you send out (revert to newspaper ad or through on-line matrimonial sites) or from the guys / his parents you meet. Here are some tips on how to manage that rejection and move on.

TIME FRAME: IMMEDIATE (up to 1 Week)

  1. BE GRACEFUL: If you have been interacting with guy and he has rejected you, tell him that it was pleasure knowing him and you wish him well in his soul mate search. Ask him if he would like to give you a reason for rejection.  Do not try to justify or give explanation to him. I repeat do not explain or justify and ask for another chance unless there was some major misunderstanding. NO BEGGING FOR ANOTHER CHANCE. MAINTAIN YOUR DIGNITY.
  2. GRIEVE: Give yourself time to process the rejection. Eat that pizza and ice-cream. Cry.  Do not become despondent.
  3. TALK TO A TRUSTED FRIEND / FAMILY MEMBER: Use your best friends shoulder to lean on, tell them how you are feeling. They can help to bring you out of your grief and sort out what went wrong.

TIME FRAME: SHORT TERM (week to a Month)

  1. REVIEW YOUR PROFILE: Be realistic about the image you are projecting in terms of words, hobbies, and photographs. Any mismatch in the profile and real you will lead to rejection at later stage.  Leading to heart break.
  2. PHOTOGRAPHS: Do not Photoshop your photos to look slimmer, fairer. Remember you need to actually meet this guy before marriage. Get some good photographs clicked , should include some casual non studio pictures.

TIME FRAME: LONG TERM (1 MONTH to a YEAR)

  1. DEVELOP HOBBIES: Having a successful hobby will give you the confidence. Confidence is attractive.
  2. WORK ON YOURSELF: Join a gym to lose weight, learn the art of make-up, and invest in clothes that make you look good, go for regular facials, manicures and pedicures. Read.
  3. TALK WITH PARENTS: If your parents are managing your partner search, talks to them on what you want, don’t want. This is about you and your life. It’s better to marry late, than to marry just anyone and getting DIVORCED or having an UNHAPPY MARRIAGE.

 

IF YOU ARE UNDER TREMENDOUS PRESSURE TO GET MARRIED AND ARE FACING CONTINUOUS REJECTION , TALK TO A COUNSELLOR.

Single Girls Guide to Modern Arranged Marriages : How to get the best out of Internet Matrimonial sites

FreeDigitalPhotos.net

FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Being practical in the scenario of arranged marriages comes easy, yet somehow while dreaming of our knight in shining armor we forget about practicalities and make ourselves vulnerable ( am speaking from my personal experience ).

 Be clear about what you want / do not want in the guy. Take 30 minutes to visualize your life partner and write down all the qualities you want.  Take 10 minutes to prune the list to must have / non negotiable qualities and the divide them into two parts – limit it a max of 10 attributes . My list looks like below

Actual

1.Vegetarian

2. Should earn more than me ( Indian men and their ego )

3. Height above 5’4 below 5’11 ( considering my height )

4. Max age difference of 5 year

5. Never married before

Attitude

1. Romantic

2. Intelligent

3. Funny

4. Should love to travel

5. Independent

 

Add auto filters based on your actual list. And no this cannot be relaxed if you don’t want to regret your decision later on. Ladies I have relaxed my list and accepted men who did not met my criterion – all it leads to is heart break. Was unable to commit to the guy because the criterion was to critical to me – example could not imagine kissing a guy who had just had meat.

Get 3 good photographs for your account.

1.  A casual photograph in  Jeans

2.  A closeup with natural makeup

3. A photograph in formal wear – Saree / Salwar kameez / gown / dress

Be Honest in your Write-up : Give a brief introduction about you & your family. Check for grammar and spelling mistakes. Do not go into details no one has time and be honest. Do not dress your profile or pretend to be someone you are not.

Send Interests : Girls can send interests too. Do not worry weather it will look okay or not , go ahead and send interests to any guys you like.

Chat online : Create a separate gmail id for your matrimonial mails. You can use this id to chat with prospective suitors , also these days all the matrimonial sites allow you to chat with members if you are paid member.

 

Wish you all the best for your groom – hunt online. Wait for my next post on chatting Do’s / Dont’s

Single Girls Guide to First Date – Scenario 1 ( Indian Arranged Marriage Setup , Meeting the Guy Alone)

A first date can be a nerve wrecking experience specially in cases of arranged marriage scenarios where it can be a blind date on top of  being a first date. The questions on top of every girls mind is a > where to meet ( in-case the guy asks preference ) and  b > what to wear.

Where to Meet ( Options )

1> Coffee shop of a Good Hotel : They will not be as crowded as the local  CCD’s / Barista’s / Mochas, while providing the safety of meeting in  public place . Coffee shops are always a good option as you can extend / limit the time of meeting on the basis of how the date progresses.

2>  Brunch Date : Will allow you to linger and chat over food in a relaxed atmosphere , which is more intimate than coffee shop date. Try this  if you have liked the guy during your previous on – phone talks

3> Mall – Avoid on weekends and rush hours. Large malls like Inorbit & Highstreet Phoenix in Mumbai , Amanora in Pune , Ambience Mall in Delhi etc provide food as well as activity options.

Just ensure that first date is not in secluded place ( obvious for security reasons ) , someone knows where you are going , is not a very expensive place.

What to Wear

1 > Indian / Western – Wear what you normally wear. If you normally wear only Jeans , wear a pair with dressy feminine top , if you are comfortable in Indian wear , a nice Kurta with leggings / tights / salwar is appropriate. If you normally wear dresses , wear it – just ensure that length is not too short , and you are not showing too much skin at top.

2> Dress Nice not Sexy – Its the first date and you do not want to give the wrong impression. Do not show too much skin.

3> Wear a girly color that flatters you : For fair girls with blue undertones – Pink is great option , while if you are wheatish , peach  / coral will make you glow. If you want to dress up slim in black , try accessorizing it with Red.

4 > Natural Glow – Makeup should be natural. Hide your imperfections , put on some peach blush , a nice lipgloss , and clear mascara . Guys do not like heavily madeup girls.

Single Girl’s Guide to First Phone Call Date – Matrimonial Sites /Arrange Marriage/Internet Dating

 I have been talking with a couple of guys selected from Jeevansathi/Shaadi or selected by my parents. During my phone calls which usually happen, before I have met the guy I realized that the first phone call can be tough. Its awkward speaking to someone whose biodata is the only thing you have seen. So, here is my list of tips for that first call to know the person & retain the interest (try it if you want but remember I’m still single)

1>    Ask open ended questions – guys love to feel important, by questioning him & listening to what’s important to him you are engaging him.

2>    Normally any guy who is calling you will want to make a good impression. He will try hard to carry on witty, fun, and pleasant conversations and use it to discover your interests and feelings –laugh at his jokes, have some of your own to share.

3>    Don’t talk about breakups/past relations etc in the first phone call. Any unpleasant stuff you may be asked, should be answered wrapped in layers of humour

4>    When you speak with energy, and enthusiasm (don’t explode with enthusiasm or giggle like a crazy)

5>     Don’t go on and on about a subject. If asked a question, give some information, and then smoothly point the conversation back to him

6>    Disconnect the call on a high to make it memorable for him

Things you can talk about

1>    Hobbies – Any shared interests will give you ideas for your actual date and an insight of the person he is

2>    Growing-up years including education

3>    General items in news that you can talk about

4>    Likes & dislikes / habits – how do you match up, you may discover things that are a strict no to you ( chain smoking, eating habits etc)

5>    Family – If you people end up getting married, they will play a huge role. His relations with his family will tell you what you may be getting into

6>    Career plan – To give you an idea of his ambitions and all

Wish you all the best for your first phone call.